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Valentine’s Day: Taking a Heart Break

February 13, 2018

Valentine's DayThere was a point in my life where I was going up to the door of life and it kept slamming in my face. My usual bright optimism was being depleted and the roots of my labor became dry and lacked nourishment. Here we are approaching Valentine’s Day and my personal light becomes quite dim. It seemed my personal life was a mess, my health was being compromised, my penny pinching was becoming more anal, and my career was being complacent.

What to do? What to say? Shouldn’t I be elated by the approach of Valentine’s Day? I was at the frayed end of my rope and I felt like I couldn’t catch up. We always dream about the life we thought we would have at 30, maybe even 40, and I remember I was completely disappointed and proud within the same moment. I don’t know how to describe my previous year because it was so rewarding and heart wrenching at the same time. I made a lot of friends, but had to let go of others; I lost weight, but gained confidence through a lot of sacrifice. I cried more, but I laughed more.

At the end of the day, we have a choice. We have a choice on how we respond to others and I’m mostly talking from a more personal, internal viewpoint. I have a choice to be depressed or construction in the advent of Valentine’s Day. It’s almost like dating when we meet someone who gives us an initial warm feeling or two. We then can be overcome with so much anguish when that feeling disappears and turns to be a flakey and flagrant lie. It’s amazing how we can literally go from elation to defeat in a matter of seconds. I imagine over time how this mental limbo places our psyche out of normal equilibrium. I completely understand mental illness and I can see how some can’t get out of the rut. I experienced this the most when I started online dating again and it had been quite some time since doing it. I remember chatting with a guy shortly before Valentine’s Day on a popular dating website for what seemed to be almost three hours uninterrupted. I trustfully gave him my number and the next morning I came to realize that he had deleted his account (even newly being on for what he claimed to be just a full day). Sometimes when I felt lonely, even just wanting to have simple sex, it was a chore and a constant gamble that normally ended in a fuming mental breakdown. Even reducing my standards was not even a successful reduction. When I was down, I was kicked, and all I wanted was a hand to brush my back and let me forget my pain: Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

Fortunately, when we feel desolate for some time, we do notice the smallest amount of triumphs that might be overlooked when we feel like we are on a winning streak. We have to lose to win later and we have to win to prove our efforts were worthwhile. This is our battle as humans – to not be consumed by feeling like we are lost when really we must find ourselves to gain the win. Winning isn’t everything and trust me; I’ve been there, done that.

By no means was this material supposed to be a total downer, but then again finding love is quite difficult. Of course, I could have written a more jovial piece of “you are awesome, you are special, you deserve love.” But, there is realism to today’s process of meeting someone and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. In a Utopian society, absolutely, but there is so much torrential rain, deafening thunder, and destructive lightning that causes us to feel lonely and not good enough.

So, how do we come out of something so dismal? I first started spearheading the things that caused me stress. For instance, I didn’t realize how much meal prepping and hauling around food containers had been for me. So, I did some research and intermittent fasting helped me eradicate some of that pressure. Now that I am mentally “freer,” I can then dedicate some of that energy somewhere else. I also realized that being on one dating app was causing me stress – my time is no more important than yours, and the individuals on it just don’t have an unbiased concept of it. I needed a “heart break.” So, I stopped using it, which in turn, freed up a lot of mental space.

As we approach the rather daunting Valentine’s Day, I would encourage you to create a strategy that allows you to grow more. Keep in mind, when the right fella comes along, you want to have done your personal homework. We’ve all been on a date where you can feel someone’s life is in complete disarray. If you are single, embrace it, but use the time to your best advantage.

Filed in: Dating Tips

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