First of all, Happy Valentine’s Day! May this day be full of reminders on how you accept and give love to others! Do something special for YOURself today, regardless if you are single, dating, or in a relationship. A successful gay man will do something special for themselves, and you should follow suit.
As I have worked in the industry for years now, with many a successful gay man, it now amazes me that I can still learn new things and trends in dating. I just learned about “peacocking” the other day. As defined, it’s the theory of dressing in bright colors that can bring more attention to you, because in a darker room, the eye goes to brighter color as opposed to a darker one that can melt into a sea of similar people. In this concept, wearing all black can look sleek, but it conceals you. Although the color white might not be the best color choice at a crowded bar or event, it could help you get more action, but just accept that you might have a dry cleaning bill to pay at a later time.
A dear friend of mine forwarded this article to me about the term “breadcrumbing.” I wrote about this type of tactic in my book and it’s a behavioral pattern I see in a certain personality archetype, sometimes in a successful gay man. The article explains that, “breadcrumbers waste your time and introduce a sense of falsehood into a rapport that you may have conceived as real.” Urban dictionary describes this term as “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages (i.e. “breadcrumbs”)…in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort.”
To place it into a more concrete perspective, say you had a great first date at one point with a successful gay man in your local bustling city. You send a text checking in and you get silence. That person then responds to that text in a delayed manner (many hours later or next day) saying they “were busy,” and often with some endearing commentary. You respond in a timely manner, often being forgiving, and then they disappear…again. During these moments of silence, that person might stalk your social media and have the time to “like” certain things. Out of the blue on a Thursday or Friday night, that other person says, “Hey handsome, any fun plans this weekend?” You then respond again, in timely manner. The other person either doesn’t respond at all, continues to compliment you, and/or texts you back at the night like you are supposed to go out at 9PM. You have been had and just ate every single crumb like a delusional child.
The thing about breadcumbers is that people can be so forgiving of them. Don’t let that successful gay man fool you! I always say that if something is important to you, you’ll go for it wholeheartedly. Otherwise, it’s just not a good fit. If you have been actively communicating with him and you do not an ounce of reciprocation back, it is your fault that you are doing the same thing but expecting a different result. You are merely just one of their pawn-like pigeons and you are eating those “delicious” crumbs beneath their feet. When you meet someone who excites you, you’ll also excite them, and that’s when breadcrumbs become a mutually enjoyable Taco Tuesday.