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Pride Month and Timely Time

January 10, 2018

pride monthSometimes we go into life not knowing the results of intention. We go into a pride month – a time where we feel like our time is worth more than anothers’. We place energy into something and it might not actually pan out the way we wanted. It might be worse than expected or it could be better – and that is the journey of life and dating, defined. This could be during pride month or not. But, unfortunately, we have to create an ignition within our being to take that gamble and be okay with the failure just as much as the success.

As we move into the New Year, maybe anticipating pride month, I start to evaluate what the previous meant in growth in every angle. For me, it was allowing my emotional stability to hopefully be able to shine through my physical stature. 2017 was about me finding my confidence and the bravery to be okay with knowing who I can be both as a person in business and a potential partner on the relationship front.

Aside from an upcoming pride month, when we do come into the “new year, new me, new love” mantra fresh, we become so elated about the opportunity of making this “the year” we fall in love. I wish I could say it was that easy. You have people wanting to hook up on dating websites and then wanting people to date on apps that are geared more towards hookups. It becomes a cesspool of confusion, blurred expectations, and frustration. What I’ve learned is that I cannot control how people reciprocate on how I conduct myself on those things, but I can control my inner and physical being and its stability. I think about the balance of power and control. I control how I give my power to someone – and that power is my time. Time is our most disposable and valued resource we have as humans. We must keep this thought process even during pride month. Sometimes, people often value their own time, on their time, and not that of others. It becomes a dialogue of selfishness and “I’ll get to you when I get to you.” This is where our malice lies when it comes to dating. We always feel like our “time is being wasted,” right?

I remember a second date I was on, and this guy started crying as we left dinner and sat in his car. He was still dealing with the aftermath of a breakup of many years. To me, it was about listening to him, and letting him hear himself talk. Sometimes, my gift is allowing people to realize things for themselves as opposed to me throwing on my “all-knowing” matchmaker guru hat and telling them how they should or shouldn’t be. Towards the end of our departure, he said something along the lines of “Mason, I know your time is precious, and I don’t feel like we should see each other anymore.” I liked him, but what came from that is that he saw me as a person who values time, both his and my own. I remember telling him that he can take the time he needs to heal on his own in whatever way best serves him while passively dating me. However, on the other end, he can do it solo, but with the consequence of losing the ties to me, and taking the chance of me not being available for when he feels ready for love again. I remember looking him straight in the eye and saying, “I am willing to wait for you, but not for a long time.” He said, smiling, “that’s a straightforward answer.” I also remember dating a French guy for a month or so prior to that, who also said something along the same lines: “I feel you are looking for something that I cannot give you right now and I don’t want to waste your time.” I compare these testimonies of men to other ones I met briefly on apps or online, who would often ghost me if they felt I was “too serious” or an imposter, etc. I believe it’s really important to place racquets and balls in life’s courts, but at the end of the day, you can prepare others to play a game and stay awhile, or a person sees it and runs away in cowardice or intimidation. As pride month approaches, we must keep this metaphor in mind.

We spend way too much time washing the courts, tightening the nets, primping our uniforms, but at the end of the day, all of that is worth nothing unless someone gives you his time to show up and volley the ball with you for a while. Sometimes, we place too much pressure on ourselves, when all we need is a strong foundation of framework when it comes to setting a good first impression for guys willing to notice it. For me, it’s about those bare essentials like good communication, which often times is more than what someone else would patiently bring, and a person just being as prepared as I am to share something special.

As you go through your connections and date practices in 2018, maybe even during pride month coming up, I would encourage you to add a little more verbiage to your online dating profiles, call more people on their wishy washy behavior, and to “block” or “delete” people out of your life sooner rather than later – those people are responsible for the most stress in our lives. If someone keeps fooling you, you my friend, are the fool and to blame. Being your own filter is your best bet to creating your success in the love department this year.

 

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