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Men Looking for Men and Learning to Fail

August 9, 2017

As my 30th birthday approaches, there has been such a centrifuge of comparison between the old version of myself, and who I want to be in this new stage of my life. Sometimes, we as men looking for men, can fall into that train of thought. A person told me recently that you learn more from failing than you do at succeeding. As I have been going through the tribulations of a strenuous diet and exercise regimen the past few months, I started to realize that me giving up during my last set of an exercise isn’t a sign of weakness, but knowing my limits, and being able to mark them. Once I’ve marked them, then I can move past it, and claim a victory of sorts. It’s worth saying that in order for your muscles to make the most growth, they must learn to fail. You receive the most progress of physical and mental growth from feeling like you have reached your maximum, and can’t complete the repetition. I think a lot of men looking for men experience the same things. This keeps us from being complacent or feeling like we keep doing the same thing with little return of investment.

men looking for men

When I am at the gym, my introverted side comes out. Are you an introvert-extrovert like I am? I try to have complete tunnel vision when I am in the thick of my workout, trying to remove any extraneous thoughts from my workday. This is my Zen time: every men looking for men should find theirs. Sometimes when I remove my headphones, it can be an interesting mental exercise to note that I see the same person complain about not reaching their fitness goals, but is talking about over-drinking and eating week after week, looking at his or her phone too much during sets, and is not even using a strenuous amount of weight. I went into this in my book, but it really boils down to a potential versus an actuality. Potentially, you can get closer to your fitness goals if you walk through a gym’s front door. However, you actually have to put in the work, undistracted and wholeheartedly, before you start reaping the benefits of your labor and intention.

Men looking for men and a mind game…

When I start sinking my teeth deeper into this mind game, I often revert back to a copious amount of testimonies from clients, men looking for men, and friends about the expectations of dating. Now that I have been around the dating block, I am no longer interested in dating someone who potentially wants a boyfriend or long-term partner. I want for myself and for you to actually want one, and actually put in the work. Men looking for men should know the difference. And if you are still in the “dating around for ‘fun’” boat, please stay there. Trust me, I am just as human as anyone else, and I will say that boat ride is temporarily fun. However, what’s frustrating is when the voyages become too back-and-forth and wishy-washy. Fellas, please just make up your mind, and stick to whatever your vessel is for the present. You should be thinking about the person you are dating ahead of time, and you should be texting him back within a reasonable amount of time, because that is how actual dating works. Let’s just call “potential dating” a glorified way of dating in reverse or casually hooking up. Life is way too short to waste time on someone who doesn’t value time. This article is notably named, “The Golden Age of Bailing.” Are you a victim or a(n) (unknowing) proprietor?

My challenge to you: call people out on their crap. I just did it last week with someone who would start a conversation with me around lunchtime, I would answer, and then he would wait until a day or two later to respond to me. People need to stop being exuberantly lackadaisical in this town. Let’s just call it as it is: rude. Don’t be men looking for men who are guilty of this. I am always for a second chance, but a pattern is different. I told him people would eventually label him as a “flake,” a “breadcrumber,” and/or a “ghost.” He then proceeded to tell me that “I was right” and that he is “bad about doing that.” So this tells me that he knows he’s doing this behavior, by ignoring it, and has decided not to change it. Too many men looking for men are encouraging him lightly to continue this behavior, which has no valid, constructive benevolence to it at all. A little honesty never hurts, and if anything, someone will be intimidated by or label you as “too much,” but at least they will leave you alone, and not put you in a mental game of limbo.

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