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Gay Pride and Summer Haze

July 5, 2017

gay prideMy 30th birthday is coming up and I am excited. I booked a long trip to go to Europe solo and it is my first international trip – talk about having some gay pride. I remember sitting in my office toying with the idea of planning something special for myself, but didn’t want to spend the money. I then found myself clicking the “confirm” button on my hotel and airfare. I often marvel at people who are around gmy age, with so much gay pride, who just seem to go on these frequent lavish trips for weeks, and I am saying, “Where does one get the financial means and time away from his job to leisurely travel so much?” It’s baffling, but I think I figured it out.

…they just make it work and don’t really think too far in the future about it.

All of my life, I have been a planner. I need to know the plan for every gay pride. My friends are conditioned now to know that I would never be available for something “last minute” or “spontaneous.” I believe it’s happened maybe a handful of times within the past year. That was my initial block when it came to booking this trip for myself. It wasn’t the financial commitment, but it was because I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid to not have control of every outcome possible. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to know where to go, which money to use, and then I start going into a stress avalanche of daunting thought. Yunno, what? Um, screw that! I need to have a little more gay pride. I only turn 30 once on this earth, so c’est la vie. I am learning to go with the flow more and often times when I travel, I am very unplanned and not as regimented. This trip is a whole new level of trusting myself to be a better version of it.

I know I will always have that side of my personality to be highly organized for I am great with my time, and equally have the same expectation that my partner will respect mine. We often revert back to being either/or in the expectation of dating – we’re too carefree or have too much expectation. I cannot tell you how many profiles I have scanned for friends and coaching clients and thumbing through their correspondence. It’s always the same: we want a relationship, but we never want to make the time to start one. Where’s the gay pride in that? We claim to be “easy going” and have “no expectations,” but in all honesty, are you sure? You have no expectations at all on being on a site geared towards dating or even hooking up? That’s like me going to my local coffee shoppe not expecting me to get my normal morning caffeine jolt. Like, what’s the point, right? It seems people get quite upset with online dating more than you hearing a copious amount of success stories. What is disheartening to most is the contradictory juxtaposition of written behavior versus actuality. You think, “man, it’s so nice to read something so refreshing, let me reach out to him.” He either answers with less than 5 words and disappears or doesn’t even respond at all. The lack of gay pride is astounding. How’s that for positive reinforcement? Oh wait, but you don’t have an expectation, so no skin off your back.

…have a little gay pride!

Can we cut to the chase and just ask people out on dates? Is it worse to be told it isn’t a fit or to be completely left in the dark? We’re intuitive human beings – if you feel he’s a good match and he’s normally in the same arena that you’ve dated, chances are he’s probably attracted and would be of reciprocating interest. I get it, physicality is important amongst us gays. If you are of average build, date someone of average build. If you are super fit, then by all means date someone like you. And if you don’t like how you look, then change yourself for you. Be gay proud of having more gay pride. Often times, when I found myself single, I would automatically give a trusted person my phone number and it was their responsibility to seal the deal. I took the time to initiate something and it was up to them to reciprocate; otherwise, they faded to black. I can totally hold myself to a standard of acknowledging someone willing to create time and space in his “busy” schedule. My commitment to myself in this transformative year: go with the flow more and realize that I am worth it; a person who makes the time for me will be worth mine.

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