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Gay Dating Apps and Internal Honesty Policy

September 19, 2018

gay dating appsI left my Georgian homeland especially sad this time around because it reminded me of what connections in my life are the ones I tolerate and the ones that truly enhance it. I often go through this act of sifting when using gay dating apps. It was time for a little clean-up. A guy I dated once said to me, “if everyone was so kind, it would be much more challenging to meet the right guy.” This statement gave me hope.

On this same trip, I experienced a “no class” reunion where any alumni of any year was eligible to attend. Since our high school wasn’t too large, I often found myself hanging out with people in a different class rather than my own. It was so heartwarming to reminisce, remember the same jokes, and see the amount of timeless love being shared. I knew I looked completely different from high school, but I was glad to hear that I “hadn’t really changed” otherwise. I was beautifully touched on the simplicity of my humble Georgia roots. It really opened my eyes to seeing the world in a less complex way and more of a simplistic way. Love shouldn’t be complicated. We as humans complicate love. We often see this in gay dating apps.

I think about all of my eligible single friends, who might be on gay dating apps, and how hard they tell me it is to meet someone who I think treats them with the same joy and light they place in this world. People will often look at me and assume that I’m this semi-decent good looking White dude who looks like every other cornfed boy from middle America, that is ambitious, and has an easy going personality. Why have I ever had trouble finding someone of substance? I spent a lot of my singledom really underwhelmed and frustrated, especially when I was using gay dating apps.

I revert back to an experience I had using on of the gay dating apps when a couple of weeks into first meeting someone we had the “exclusive” conversation. I felt it was necessary as we had been physically intimate a few times; therefore, it was an appropriate time to do so. I also was at the point in my life where I needed to be honest with my needs. In this particular instance, I told him that it’s important for me to spend at least one night during the week with him if we really wanted to give this dating thing a forthright shot. I trusted him because, like most people, I will trust you until you prove me wrong. As we all have experienced, we mosey through life and take notes on instances that have caused us to feel insecure about the security of this type of conversation, especially when using gay dating apps. Because of that, I logged onto the same dating app we met on and noticed he had been on it, and every day at that on a consistent basis. Although he said he doesn’t sleep with multiple people at once, I began to think that it wasn’t even in my mental capacity to search for anything else once we crossed that respectful conversational line. After explaining to him that we might see courtship differently and how I feel I need someone more communicative and sensitive, his reply was a very succinct “OK.” Maybe I’m too old-school or maybe I’m a fool for being the “nice guy” with a naive moral compass. Maybe I needed a big pause from gay dating apps. I remember diving into the same app briefly after that experience and one of the first guys that messaged me through some comparison stories told me he would “kill to have somebody cook for him and to f$%& that guy for being so kind (to him). Be upfront!” It’s amazing to me how initiative is one of the major obstacles of current date practice. This laissez-faire attitude is killing us slowly. I remember changing my bio to saying that “I like a man that makes a plan,” and then even when I was told that “we should hang out” I agreed, and then those men disappeared.

It’s quite puzzling how everything is never black and white, but this vast sea of grey. When people notice this, they call this behavior “playing games.” I just don’t understand where in our society we decided that dating is no longer someone picking you up, making a plan, driving you home, and making another plan if the match felt mutual. As I said in last months’ newsletter, technology and the effect of it on communication even through gay dating apps is mainly responsible for this.

This is the thing – I wish I was the enlightening and optimistic dating guru to tell you to “patiently wait for your Prince Charming.” The thing is, is that finding love is sometimes completely random and dating can really suck mentally in the meantime. It’s seriously not fun to put yourself on the line to have it be ignored, disrespected, or even erased. For me, I treated every dating experience as a learning opportunity for me and an exercise that made me a stronger individual. It forced me to have tough and vulnerable conversations, and it pushed me into realizing the character I have can be enhanced through a more personal interaction of sorts. I had nothing to lose anyway. This mentality got me through all the flakes, half-truths, and disrespectful parties in using gay dating apps especially. The experience wasn’t about what they did to me, but how I dealt with them.

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