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Gay Connect and Consistent Consistency

April 22, 2019
gay connect

I remember waking up one recent Spring morning and being extremely enlightened by how the process of creating a meaningful relationship that sustains the aspect of time. I needed to gay connect with myself. A friend that I used to be extremely close with had reached out to me and wanted to grab lunch. I was hesitant as from our prior correspondence was me asking questions about how she was doing, etc. and never getting a response. I remember planning lunches and dinners with her years ago, and she would always cancel last minute after we had made the plans a week or so in advance. She never made it to my birthdays the past 3 or 4 years. This was a very important moment for me and she didn’t show up for us, as I would have done for her. She never made the effort to reciprocate. She never gave me a chance to gay connect with her. I remember the moment where I decided that she was now one of those friends that I had for a season, and I had to mentally let her go from that connection we had in the past. She would always be a friend, but one that now had limiting conditions. She had stopped our gay connect. Then I start thinking about all of my potential romantic or business relationships I’ve tried to spark and define how or why they disappeared. I was left truly in a methodical head space.

Simon Sinek, to me, is one of the most influential people of our time in how he defines authentic interpersonal relationships. I wrote about his stance on the millennial mindset last year. Oh man, he calls us out on our laziness, rudeness, and he we consistently seek validation that doesn’t really serve a purpose other than material means and/or vanity. What I will say is that this influence doesn’t make anyone exempt or less guilty if they don’t fall into that category based on a birth year. He sees this as “like all addictions in time, it will destroy relationships,” and I couldn’t agree more with him. We need to gay connect more.

In this 3 minute video, Sinek opens with “Do you love your wife? Prove it; like, what’s the metric, give me the number that helps me know…tell me the day the love happened.” I was left puzzled as “love” is something that is technically intangible, but we as humans can recognize it as something that is truly real and definable. We feel something when we see an older couple holding hands in public. “Going to the gym for 9 hours doesn’t get you into shape. Working out everyday for 20 minutes gets you into shape. It’s not about the events, it’s not about the intensity, it’s about consistency.” Wow.

I sat pondering about my friend and how there was no consistency of letting me know this relationship was worth my time anymore. We had shared many special moments together when we first met; however, I wasn’t benefiting from the ability to gay connect I wish we had that may never return based on the measurable inconsistency. I wasn’t being fair to myself. I remember going on many dates after I introduced a guy I liked to my friends, made him a truly hearty Southern meal from my roots, and practiced good communication practices. A month or so passes, and I’ll always remember the moments sending him one more text about how his day was, and if he waited more than an exuberant amount of time to respond, I deleted his contact information. And if he ever reached out again, I just would say, “I’m sorry, I’m at a different point my life in regard to how I see dating and relationships.” It’s time to teach men to gay connect and get rid of the boys. And most of the time the response would be, “I’m sorry, I’ve been busy.” Oh, so I guess I’m the one with all of this ample free time just staring at my phone all day awaiting your response (cue my favorite emoji: 🤷‍♂️).

What really stuck out to me was that the reason why I or most people let relationships go is that it isn’t that he gave you flowers that one time and you weren’t appreciative of them. It’s about the smaller things that add up over an extended period of time that truly let us know that the relationship has potential. We must gay connect honestly to get somewhere. It’s that you paid attention when he mentioned his favorite candy passively and that you gave it to him when you knew he had a bad day at work. That he reciprocated and gave you a shoulder rub because you complained of how sore you were from the gym without being asked. That the person offers actions and solutions and not just words or excuses. That the person can separate convenience with selfless precedence and retrospection. You’re welcome.

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