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Gay Celebrities and Being the Middle Man Five

March 20, 2018

gay celebritiesAfter many years of sharing fairly similar conversations with individuals, and some of them being gay celebrities, I begin to see a correlation and similarities in dating preferences. For example, “I want a guy who is equal parts social and equal parts stay at home” is something I hear on the daily. As human beings, we are so intimidated by “extremes.” I remember at one point dating online saying in my profile that I didn’t want a pen pal. The endless back and forth of texting for days or weeks and it ultimately leading to a “he’ll just disappear” situation was of no interest to me. This handsome fella, who wasn’t even one of the gay celebrities known, messages me and within a literal 8 minutes of the first “hello,” he asked for us to talk on the phone and exchange phone numbers. Mind you, my profile was particularly verbose, and he had maybe 14 total words on his, and I told him let’s get to know each other slightly more since I have nothing in front of me to create a surface trust. He then told me that he didn’t have any interest in texting at all, and that I wasn’t comfortable at all talking on the phone. In my mind, that is an extreme: too much, too soon. Even though I applauded his tenacity and stern request, he didn’t understand that there has to be some rapport established before I exchanged personal information. For all I could know, he could have been a catfish or pretending to be one of the more well known gay celebrities. I mean, 8 minutes is not enough time to verify if he’s plotting to put me in the back of his pickup truck to have me sink to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

It’s important to not change who you are, but to highlight your true potential as far as being the most attractive in your personality to someone else. I’ve studied personality compatibility like introvert and extrovert balance, as mentioned further in a previous article and in my book, and I’ve found that there is a difference in a relationship I deem as a successful match. However, this difference is very scant and not an extreme. For instance, a more introverted man who sits across my desk will almost always say, “I am not like the other guys who are going out all the time.” In turn, a more extroverted guy will almost always say something to the extent of “I want to date someone who can go into a room and make friends easily.” I think a lot of gay celebrities want that balance.

In retrospect, I think what many individuals want in a long-term relationship is what’s called an ambivert. At a party, an ambivert is not afraid to strike up conversation at a lively event with strangers, but that same person also enjoys dinner and a movie by himself. Simply put, ambiverts act like extroverts in social situations and introverts when they are by themselves. I recently went to an informal Oscar viewing party and my best friend’s friends are quite the ostentatious bunch. We witnessed all sorts of gay celebrities at the event as we stared at the television. You know, screaming at the screen, most of them being in the entertainment business, and wanting their opinions to be heard. I remember one of the hosts at a later date told me that he felt bad that I am usually very quiet with that group and he was worried that I was annoyed or overwhelmed. In fact, I was having a great time sitting quietly in a comfy chair by myself eating salt and vinegar potato chips and Girl Scout cookies. So even in an extremely social, rambunctious situation, I feel a comfortable shift to be more reserved. I remember feeling this same way when I went to a circuit party once years ago in San Francisco, one here more recently in L.A., and I was so over-stimulated at both, I left within a few hours. I didn’t care if there were two or ten gay celebrities there – I wanted to leave. To me, those opportunities of me learning were labeled “extremes.” To each his own though, my opinion is no more right than yours, but what I’m saying is that I would also get along with someone who also views that as the cup runneth-ing over.

I can’t tell you how many people I have unfollowed within this past year from social media that post more than 5 posts a day of them shirtless, their strong political beliefs, their child, and/or their furry friend. A lot of gay celebrities do this to create more of a “following” to their “brand.”  There’s a difference between documenting important moments versus every moment. From the outside looking in, speaking from my behalf solely, this can be deemed as a dominating life obsession. I think when one said gay man sees “#gayabs” on another said gay man’s social media multiple times a day, he may start to create unrelenting opinions of his own. Personally, my first thought is that this person would always be on his phone checking in with his “followers” and less with me, the person he is dating. Someone dating one of those gay celebrities have to worst brunt of this, unfortunately.

Regardless, having an honest conversation with yourself and what you define as “balance” is what you should take with you, when you are dating. Compromise is also important but not so much that you start to feel your internal steam billowing or your potential partner feels like he is holding back or sacrificing too much.

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